Kingdom of Nothing

He rules the world in an Armani suite and tie
Meetings, aquisitions, companies to buy
Hedge funds, stock options, billions in the making
A financial collapse, hostile take over, more for the taking

A new BMW, another throne, valet parked with the other ten at home
On the cell every second of the way, can't drive myself, using the limo today
Away from the big city he heads through the gates
Pulling up to his multi million estate his chauffer awaits
"the maids are done cleaning, you're schedule is all booked"
"dinner is ready too, made by your favorite cook"
Teleconferencing from his lounge, he is willing and able
He could feed a family of six with the scraps from the table

Another big day, another million in the bank
"Chauffer, did you put $200 in the Hummer gas tank?"
Big city, bright lights, drinks are on me
Clubbing at the hot spots, no cover charge, it's free
Hundreds of people, fake smiles, kinda funny
You know they only like you for your status and money

Back to the mansion, a long night of fun.
But the home is empty, no sound, no one
He gazes at the rare paintings, the marble, the gold
There's no one around, to talk to, or hold
Surrounded by everything his money could buy
He folds his arms, lays down his head, and begins to cry

A huge oak desk, that is his throne
With all his great wealth, he is scared and alone
He doesn't know the way, he needs someone to take his hand
His kingdom is nothing, it has crumbled to sand

10 Years

Caps and gowns, smiles and frowns
We glance around at the sea of familiar faces
People from familiar places
They were my friends when I was five,
Friends when I learned to drive,
Friends when the cops would stop by
Homecoming games, king and queen names
Uncool kids out, popular kids reign
In a few months they'll be treated the same

Valedictorian speaches, boos and shouts
A couple hundred diplomas, the principal hands them out
Love them, or hate them your teachers were there
A handshake, a smile, perhaps an unfriendly stare
I spot my parents in the crowd. With such pride they beam
This is your life Michael, well until the age of eighteen

It's been a fun awkward journey, a crazy little ride
Time to move the tassle to the other side
There's one last summer left without a care,
The class of '99, throw your caps in the air!

College came and went, it was the time of my life
I made many true friends, but fell short of a wife
Sometimes it was heaven, sometimes it was hell
But we all prayed and lit candles when the Twin Towers fell
Growing pains and trials put my faith to the test
Through the thick clouds my light shined best
By my senior year, high school seemed so far away
Once again in a cap and gown, but instead of June, it is may.
The family is all there, the grandparents too.
Pose for a picture Michael, please just a few?

I rush around to find some friends
Can't believe four years of memories, and now it all ends
They were perhaps the most fun filled years of my youth
But I was far from adult, that's the God's honest truth
Caps once again tossed in the air, this is our last dance, dream if you dare
My whole life is ahead, so excited, yet so full of fear
The haunting Pomp and Circumstance echos in my ear

Flash again forward six more years
A bit fewer laughs, and many more tears
I'm a working man now, work is all I do
Cancer took grandma, three years later it took grandpa too
I work many jobs, live many places, a few little wrickles now on our faces
My buddies are getting married, now family is priority number one
Oh how I long for the college days of single dude fun
I got sick of 80 hour work weeks. Then I got the notion!
So I quit my job, and headed for the big island and ocean
My hair got longer, I spin fire and run
I let my life get boring, so I brought back the fun

Now it is August, two thousand and nine
My body has aged a little from the sands of time
Today I read an e-mail, as I sat in my chair
"Clover Hill 10 Year Reunion. Hope you'll be there!"
A high school reunion, how silly, how lame
All the dumb jocks are gonna act the same
But it's been ten long years, not two, not three
Was it long enough for them to change, like it was for me?

Ten years came and went, how time does fly
Will the next ten years pass, like a blink of an eye?

Passing Cars

Have you driven passed someone and made eye contact? At that very split second, you and another person connected eyes and glanced at the same time. Not only that, but your cars, both traveling at highway speeds, had to pass eachother with precise timing.

Think about your life. All of your friends and family. In the entire existence of the world, you were born at the perfect moment and the perfect place to meet the people you now know. You could have been born in the time of Moses, lived during the Civil War, or perhaps you may not have been born until 2525. Even a hundred years difference, a fraction of time given age of the universe, means you could have been dead years before all your friends were even born, or vice versa. Perhaps more pondering is if you were born on the same date, but a different country.

I think about myself. I am adopted, but could have ended up with another family. However, I was perfectly placed in the loving care of my parents during a time they did not believe they could have their own children. All my mom and dad ever wanted were a boy and girl three years apart in age. A year after I was adopted my mother, to my parent's joyful surprise, gave birth to my sister. Within nine months my parents went from having no children to having a boy and girl...yup, three years apart.

But I digress. We were all born during this small blip in time that we call the present. I believe by a grand design it is by no accident that we have crossed paths with the people we know. A relative of mine who worked in the Twin Towers, was sent off to California right before 9/11, and was across the country when he witnessed his work place crumble to the ground. I think of all the husbands and wives who meet eachother at the most "random" of times. Some people end up at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Any which way our lives diverge, they could not have come together any other way then the way they did.

We are all just passing cars. Will you make eye contact, or keep looking forward? You never know who you'll meet today.

*add on thought* Ever see the movie It's a Wonderful Life? One of my all time favorites. The main character,George Bailey(no relation) is given a chance to see what the world would be like if he were never born. What would your world look like? If you could visit your family and friends, albeit as a total stranger, how would there lives look different? How did your existence change the course of history for others?

Welcome

This blog has been created so I can share some of my thoughts and writings with friends and family. You won't find anything about running on here, that is why I have another blog for that. Instead, I hope you'll find things that are thought provoking, humorous, sobering, and provide you with a different view of my personality. My first literary additions to this page are actually older writings. Everything posted after this intro will be new. I hope to update this site at least several times a week, or whenever my mind is struck by a "brilliant" idea. Enjoy!

Justified- the Balance of Light and Dark

This piece was originally written on January 3, 2009

"In order to create a painting, sometimes you have to use dark colors." This could not be truer, as dark and light permiate the very fabric of our being.

I inherited only two things from my grandfather when he passed away in September. There was no money, for he was broke, but he did leave me his favorite watch and his personal Bible. I took the time to look at both recently. A watch. It is the most common tool that we have for measuring time. Time is all we have, divided into the past, the present, and the future. A Bible. My grandfather's greatest possesion for spiritual guidance. Within the pages of this particular Bible, my grandfather made entries whenever a significant event occurred in his life. His first entry was dated 1948, the day he married my grandmother. The entries would continue marking the birth of each of his 5 children, and numerous grandchildren. Here and there he would document negative events, perhaps the passing of a parent, sibling, or accident. Then I stumbled upon his entry dated November 30, 1983. Peter and Betty(my parents), adopt a Korean boy. They name him Michael Lee.

What does this have to do with Justification? Does good yield the same as evil? Why should we be moral, when we live in a world where immorality seemingly prevails? Why do good people suffer, and why do we not see justice?.... We will all see things that will make us doubt. We will all encounter events in our life that our hearts will document, good and bad. Light and dark. Like the writings in my grandpa's Bible. How do we move forward through the teological timeline of life's challenges. How did my grandfather persevere when he watched 1,300 of his fellow soldiers die? When his ship, the HMT Rohna, was hit by a guided missile he had to watch helplessly as thousands of his peers lost their lives. My experiences are not unqiue, his were. My life isn't all that bad. It just doesn't meet my lofty expectations. Who am I to complain when I have never really been challenged? We will all hurt, otherwise all 6.2 billion of us would walk this earth as faceless, and unfeeling clones.

In order to appreciate good, evil must occur. Duh..right? If every painting was a Mona Lisa, would we still consider it a masterpiece? How much more did we value life after 9/11, and the VA Tech shootings. Did it remind you to tell your family how much you loved them? In order to bring out the brilliant purity of white, the darkest black must be held in side by side comparison. For faith to shine brighter, doubt must be first cast, and for Jesus to shine brighter a Hitler must also exist. Suffering in itself is not enough. If only evil people suffered, then the delicate nature of good would never be known. When good people suffer, the delicate balance of life becomes more evident. It seems to contradict morality, but I value life more when good is under attack. If good doesn't always win, you would have nothing to stand for, fight for, or have faith in prevailing. It is painful to witness, but I have seen many good people suffer in ways I know their life never deserved. But, what is good? What is truth?

Good people do not exist. Let's face it, none of you, or me, is perfect. The word sin, although overly used, literally means to miss the mark. It does not matter how far you miss the mark, the bottom line is that it is not a bull'e eye. That is why Mother Teresa and Hitler, on a moral compass would be viewed to same. Is that twisted? Yes, but it is just. Can you ever be good enough to make up for the sin factor. No, and anyways who would decide what was good enough? Like mentioned above, even a hint of black(sin), makes a white painting permanently grey. A shadow of minor imperfection effects the whole image.

There is no good enough. Only perfection and imperfection. History only hints at the idea that one human was perfect, Jesus Christ. Can perfection be traded in to cover the imperfection of all man kind? Can His white, remove the stains from our grey canvass? Is His brilliance white enough to cleanse the black, and pure enough the erase the scars? The Bible details this trade off at Calvary,the place Jesus died on the cross. The horrible death of someone good. Does that sound familiar to my last writing? How about the death of someone loving, healing, and self sacrificing? The theme remains, but did evil prevail? Three days later it was found that death could not eliminate true goodness. Good won, and Justification prevailed. Alas my preaching stops here.

What is justice then? Getting what we deserve. I truly deserve nothing.The only thing we are granted for certain is birth and death. Everything in the middle is an accumilation of our interactions with the world around us. What is grace? Getting what we do not deserve, be it a family, a job, or the hope of salvation through the Son of God.

The Closing: Why did I write this note, and my other darker note? Dark and light must be viewed, or read in this case side by side. I wanted to get you guys/gals thinking in ways you probably don't. I was reminded by recent "complications in my life", that these issues are entirely worth talking about. They are possibly the most important things in life. Find what matters and cling to it tightly. That which does not matter, let go.

The Last Morning

written August 9, 2009

When you woke up this morning, what did you think of first? Did your alarm go off? Did you want to hit the snooze button and stay in bed? Maybe you looked out the window to see a bright sunrise, or a dreary rainy day. Perhaps you rolled your eyes and thought about how much work you have to do. Many of us shower, brush our teeth, get dressed, and eat a quick breakfast before heading out to work, or school. You may say a goodbye to your family, or you may wake up in an empty apartment.

Here's the real wake up call. For a quarter million humans, today will be the last day of their life. This very morning, will be the last they ever have. Except for a small few, most are unaware that they won't see the next sunrise. We just assume that by 6pm a warm dinner with the family awaits. For soldiers, the terminally ill, or injured, the sense of urgency resonates ever so loud. They know that life is a matter if minutes and hours, but for the rest of us, we assume we have all the time in the world.

Rather than focusing on the end, let's focusing on the beginning. Before our last day ends, how do we approach the start? Each of our lives is a story book, but since we are not the authors, we do not know when the story ends. Do we wake up with the urgency that our chapter may come to a close today? Most of us know the quote "Live like today was the last day of your life". Would the 250,000 people who never saw 11:59pm on August 9, 2009 agree that they lived their last day to the fullest?

I think of people I knew in highschool and college who are no longer here. Tara Felicetti(18), Tom Guaraldo(28), Jared Neville(22), Chris Graham(20), Mianna Stewart(14),...the list goes on. Two were killed in car accidents, one of a mugging, and another of a rare disease. Not a single person over the age of 30. If they could relive the moment they woke up on that last day, what do you think they would change? But, we have no time machines, no voice to the past. Yet, we are here and our choices remain undecided.

I ask you this. When you wake up tommorow, will you resist the urge to complain that the office is out of coffee creamer? Will I? What if it is raining and you get caught in traffic? I think back to the movie Groundhog Day. I think when we wake up in the morning we should take in a big breath of air. Just breath. We should think to ourselves " I am still here. I have been granted the gift of one more day of life." When I make toast for breakfast yet again, I will delight in the small miracles of toast. It's crunchy, I can put stuff on it, and man it's awesome to be able to eat food. Will I watch the sun set and allow my eyes to absorb the splendor of colors and clouds? Will I be grateful for the moment, the knowledge of being, and find fulfillment in one more place in time. Think of the people you work with, your friends, and especially your family. What would be the last thing you say to them?

When you wake up tommorow, finding miracles should be as easy as opening your eyes.

Kalani, a Poem to my Ohana

*This was originally written November 15, 2007 after my stay at Kalani in Hawaii*

From Virginia to Kalani, what would I find?
A place I could really be me, body and mind?
A frames of ants, ecstatic dance, kirtan chants, hold onto your pants.
I had found a place of open hearts, open eyes, and open doors.
Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
Surrounded by nudity and gay men I thought I was in trouble.
I just wanted to go home to my safe, conservative, Christian bubble.
But, all bubbles burst and worlds collide and this time I decided I’m not going to hide.
Because you can’t live life like a game of hide and seek.
So hours became days, and days into weeks.
My mind began to open like a flag unfurled.
I was experiencing all of this strange new world.
Capoeira moves, hip hop grooves, nature walks, opening circle talks
I witnessed people being true and free.
I witnessed what sometimes the eyes don’t see.
Although there were many moments from August to November, surely it is you I will always remember.
A full lunar eclipse, volunteer trips, hula moving hips, songs from Kimo’s lips.
Perhaps it was Gerard in the café, going to Hilo bay, or watching Charlie’s DVD’s on a rainy day.
I saw human tenderness between Kathy and Kasi, and got dressed like a woman with a little help from Bree.
Or what about talking story late on the lanai, or the crystal clearness of the night sky.
I saw rainbows and moonbows, went ecstatic at EMAX, and saw the passing of the torch when we said goodbye to THE Max (Fathom).
Hemi Sync and mystic thought, I even got naked. Who would have thought?
But not all days was I happy and glad.
I know I made mistakes that made you mad or sad.
And although there were storms in our spiritual weather, my only regret is you….that I didn’t know you better.
It’s only now I truly understand.
I have gay friends, straight friends, friends from far away lands.
So now I pray for you to God above.
And I bid you farewell, Aloha, from Michael with love.